Don't be too strict with your Children

by **Muji** Sun Oct 26, 2008 8:13 am

We
should exercise caution in raising our children, but we must be careful
not to take things too far. Being excessively strict is no way to raise
children. People need to be able to make choices. Children need to
develop decision-making skills by having choices available to them,
even if some options are far better than others.

We should be
careful to safeguard our children from falling into sin. Restricting
them from certain things in order to protect them is certainly a part
of this. At the same time, imposing drastic restrictions on our
children and negating their ability to make choices is not the way to
do it.

We should consider the Prophet's example, when he said:
"Do not prevent your women from attending the mosque." He followed this
by saying: "But their homes are better for them." [Sunan Abî Dâwûd (480)]

We
can see how, using the language of Islamic Law, the Prophet (peace be
upon him). He leaves the choice to the woman, though he clarifies that
a woman's home is the better place for her to perform her prayers. He
goes so far to prohibit others from preventing the woman to attend the
mosque.

People need to be able to make their own choices. They
need to have numerous options available to them, even when some of
those options might truly be better than others. It is not always good
to restrict people to what we feel is best for them. It is not the way
to raise children and develop their personalities.

Restrictions
should be treated like medicine – a remedy of last resort. Our goal
should be to develop the moral sense of our sons and daughters so that
they are able to restrain themselves from wrongdoing. Our goal is to
make our children confident within themselves and deserving of our
trust.

This applies to our small children just as much as it
does to our adolescents. We need to start with our small children. They
need to fear Allah and develop their God-consciousness from and early
age. This requires that we speak to them about their religion in a
positive way, and cultivate first and foremost their love of Allah and
of His Messenger (peace be upon him).

Children, young and old,
need to be educated, provided with cultural awareness, and instilled
with values. They need to have an inner sense of right and wrong which
will protect them when faced with life's temptations. When Joseph
(peace be upon him) was tempted by the noblewoman, he was able to save
himself, saying: "Indeed, I fear Allah."

Today, thanks to
advancements in communications technologies, those who wish to find sin
can do so easily. This means that it is more imperative than ever to
develop a strong moral sense in our children's hearts that will protect
them throughout their lives. They need to be fortified with faith, and
a strong sense of self, if they are not to succumb to the myriad
temptations of our age.

A strong sense of right and wrong can
keep us from falling into sin. It is certainly best to stay as far away
from sin and temptation as possible. At the same time, a person might
come close to sin but still avoid falling into it, due to the faith in
his or her heart.

We see this in the story of the three men
trapped in a cave, where each relates his virtuous deeds to the others,
beseeching Allah to free them. One of them recounts his mad love for
his cousin, whom he maneuvered into agreeing to have sex with him. When
he was between her legs and about to engage in intercourse, she
pleaded: "Fear Allah. Do not break the seal except with its marital
right. I have only been brought into this position with you due to my
desperate needs." At that moment of greatest desire, his
God-consciousness was awakened by hers, and he abstained from
fornication, giving her the wealth he promised her anyway. In this
case, both of them were on the verge of fornicating, but their
God-consciousness saved them from it.

Our goal as parents
should not be merely to issue commands and prohibitions and seeing that
they are duly carried out by our children. This is not parenting. As
parents, our goal should be to cultivate God-consciousness in our
children's hearts. If need be, we can impose restrictions on our
children to keep them safe and out of trouble, but this should be our
final step, not our first step.

As parents, our success in not
measured in how effectively we restrict our children by force. We see
that in the critical matter of belief itself, Allah, our omnipotent
creator, does not force humanity to believe in Him. Rather, He says:
"Whoever wishes shall believe and whoever wishes shall disbelieve." [Sûrah al-Kahf: 29]

Allah
merely calls us in the name of faith and establishes the proof to us,
commanding us to look into His signs in the heavens and Earth. He sent
the Prophets to us with the scriptures, and he provides us with our
every need. He then shows us His divine patience until those of us who
will be guided are guided.

As parents, we have essentially to
take the same approach with their children, in carrying out our duty of
saving our families from the Fire. Cultivating and nurturing the faith
in our children's hearts is ultimately the only effective way to
protect them from the Fire.

Allah says: "O you who believe,
safeguard yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men
and stones. Attending it are angels severe and stern who never disobey
Allah's commands and who cart out what they are commanded to do." [Sûrah al-Tahrîm: 6]

This
verse, in fact, is telling us to call our families to faith. All other
commands and prohibitions in Islam are built upon faith. Obedience to
Allah stems from faith. We only obey Allah because we believe in him.

When
Allah says: "Safeguard yourselves", He is commanding us to protect
ourselves from the Fire by fortifying our faith. He then commands us to
strive to protect our families from the Fire by taking the measures
which will make them, in and of themselves, unlikely to fall into sin.

Entertianment House !

Don't be too strict with your Children

Don't be too strict with your Children